Friday, December 31, 2004
It's 430am in the morning
and belle is playing online pool,
as well as chatting with someone
living in Oshawa Orlando Canada.
A Japanese and Welsh mixed.
His name is Randy,
and he's 50 next year.
4 kids, all boys, a pair of twins.
And you know what,
I enjoy conversing with him.
:)
4:29 AM
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Think of me
think of me fondly,
when we've said goodbye.
Remember me
once in a while,
Please promise me you'll try
When you find,
that once again you long,
to take your heart and let it free.
If you ever find a moment,
spare a thought for me.
We never said
our love was evergreen,
or as unchanging as the sea.
But if you can still remember,
stop and think of me.
Think of all the things
we've shared and seen,
don't think about the things
which might have been.
Think of me
think of me waking,
silent and resigned.
Imagine me, trying too hard to
put you from my mind.
Recall those days,
look back on all those times,
think of the things
we'll never do.
There will never be a day
when I won't think of you.
We never said
our love was evergreen,
or as unchanging as the sea.
But please promise me,
that sometimes
you will think of me.
4:01 PM
Say you love me every waking moment,
turn my head with talk of summertime.
Say you need me with you now and always,
promise me that all you say is true,
that's all I ask of you.
Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime,
say the word and I will follow you.
Share each day with me,
each night, each morning.
Love me, that's all I ask of you.
1:35 PM
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
All you gave me was your absence
during the period I needed you most.
Waited for comfort in my solitude.
Concern received, but none from you.
Each time I remind myself to create a blockade,
yet the hurt I can't eschew.
It just comes.
And comes.
It's barely unwavering.
I do want to say goodbye,
but my mouth and heart can't coincide.
Goodbyes to the hurt inflicted,
the memories that sting.
Not every second, not every minute,
but everyday, your silhouette appears.
Skulking at the back of my mind,
unrelentingly taking me back
to recollections I'd rather discard.
All I want from you now
is pure liberation.
I want to say goodbye.
11:29 PM
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Hmmm.
It's pretty unheralded,
but I do revel in conversing with wanqi.
She makes me smile,
and I enjoy doing likewise.
Another friend to talk to online.
I'm blessed.
:)
I miss hl already.
My supposed-to-be-schmate next year.
cursed MOE.
1:06 AM
Saturday, December 25, 2004
Blessed Christmas to all humankind!
Merry Merry and a Happy New Year. (:
Thanks to those who gave me presents.
Thanks to those who wished me.
Thanks to Doreen and Cheryl
who started Christmas enjoyable for me.
Truly appreciate it. (:
I'm missing many this Chrismas.
Last but not least,
Happy Blessed Birthday
to the love of my life,
Jesus Christ. (:
3:12 AM
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU
I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
And because I do,
I hate myself for inheriting your temper.
You taught me how to retort.
You taught me how to be rude.
You taught me what's its like to be abused.
You taught me violence.
You taught me tyranism.
You taught me not to trust friends.
You taught me misery.
You taught me angst.
You taught me how to hate.
Now,
I will hate myself with all I have left,
and till the day i fucking die.
11:16 PM
Monday, December 20, 2004
I am banished from my house right now.
So I doubt I'd be updating much.
Currently living with an aunt.
As of this current moment,
I "sneaked" back home while the beast is gone.
Well, yes Amanda, I call him the beast.
I know you're utterly peeved at me right now,
because you hold me culpable to all that happened.
And I completely ruptured this family.
I ignited the spark, he detonated the bomb.
It is undeniable that I am blameworthy,
but not in every respect.
Whatever it may be, I owe you an apology,
and
I am sorry.
You probably won't empathize the agony
Mom, Jarrell and I had undertaken,
because you never felt the agony from
his brutal strikes which he inflicted
unreluctantly and intentionally at us.
Just like a cold-blooded beast.
Mom's head is gravely bruised which
causes her to undergo severe headaches at night.
My back bled from his vicious punches
and my neck strangled by his forceful fingers
that left bruises as blatant evidences.
You jollywell know that
his intentions initally were solely to batter me,
and not anyone else.
But when Mom and Jarrell came into the picture,
he didn't let them off as well.
THEY WERE INNOCENT.
If violence was his punishment for me,
I'd accept it.
But this is another story entirely.
Albeit Mom n Jarrell were sandwiched between us,
I tried to push them away, get them uninvolved.
What did that monstrosity do?
HE HELL DAMNIT HIT THEM!
And perhaps you didn't know this,
because I bet he was too much a cowardice to tell you,
that whenever I told him not to lay a finger on mom,
HE WOULD FUCKHELL HIT HER IN FRONT OF MY EYES,
JUST SO TO FUCKING SPITE ME.
It happened more than once or twice,
and I couldn't let them suffer anymore.
So I left this cursed hellhole.
Barefootedly wandering the streets.
No neighbour wanted to help me,
except a guy who lent me his phone to call you.
Ain't the world a helpful place?
And you actually wondered why
Mom was so worried that Jarrell was left with him.
I hate him with every breath I have left.
I'll never forgive him for striking my mother.
If we do come back to this abode,
I'll request to live in a hostel.
I bet you're more than glad than I'll be gone.
Sparing all of you from all the turmoil
I have brought or will ever bring to this family.
Well, I'm sorry to make everyone
undergo 16years of agony with my presence.
For that,
I eternally apologize.
Take care of yourself.
9:23 AM
Monday, December 13, 2004
Hmmm.
Infatuation.
You're quite right, hun.
But still..
:| :| :|
I
need to snap outta it.
Help, anyone?
1:46 AM
Sunday, December 12, 2004
i really REALLY
REALLY
want the shirt from New Urban Male.
120 bucks.
Fuck.
Anyone rich enough?
I'll love you to bits
for the rest of my fucking life.
I'll try!
I promise shit deep.
:D
11:38 PM
Wow.
My heart actually stopped.
Haven't felt this way
for a very long time.
I want to turn back time.
Just to feel that surge.
Just to see you again.
:) :) :) :) :)
1:08 AM
Friday, December 10, 2004
i waited for you
i died inside my own head
and i'd die again for you
i'm faded and tired
completely uninspired
and i'd die again for you
so kill me with the love
that you won't give to me, give to me
and pack the wound with salt
i want to feel it bleed, feel it bleed
i'm searching for reasons
to keep away the demons
and i'd die again for you
i wish you were near me
could feel it when you hear me say
i'd die again for you
so kill me with the love
that you won't give to me, give to me
and pack the wound with salt
i want to feel it bleed, feel it bleed
you wanted me to crawl
so now i'm on my knees, on my knees
why's it always have to be me
that's always left out to burn
andi'll never learn
so kill me with the love
that you wont give to me, give to me
and pack the wound with salt
i wanna feel it bleed, feel it bleed
you wanted me to crawl
so now i'm on my knees, on my knees
1:35 PM
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Talked to Sem,
for 5 mere minutes,
and she made me smile.
Just so easily.
Don't think she knew.
But who really cares anymore.
Ohwell.
Now, I think I'll head out.
She brought the mood.
I miss her.
Especially her hugs.
5:37 PM
Friday, March 26
i feel like i'm losing you.
yes, we rarely see each other.
yes, we're both caught up in our own worlds.
i used to feel like you were mine,
mine only.
of course, i was selfish.
and i still am.
you have your grp of friends,
and i know, you're close to them.
i've got no right to complain, maybe.
its just inevitable to feel this way-
replaced.
Now, I'm giving your msg to me,
back to you.
3:44 PM
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
our eyes met.
was captivated.
your body moved.
left infatuated.
etched in my mind.
never forgotten.
since that fateful day.
for you, i've fallen.
11:32 PM
Sunday, December 05, 2004
Familiarised with the hurt
that runs in my veins.
There's so much angst
that I need to liberate.
Each thought a spear,
the bleeding remains.
Yet, too much love for you,
it overrides my hate.
My life revolves around antagonism.
I
need immediate detachment.
I'm desperate.
10:21 PM
I'm back.
Taiwan = Not great.
Was hit by a typhoon.
Ain't dead,
but dead-sick.
Head almost burst during flight.
Hmmm. Anything else?
Thumbs down,
regarding shopping, food & hotels.
Oh yes,
this blog shall be unlocked.
Nobody reads this trash anyway.
10:04 PM
